He asked me to marry him AGAIN!

July 2010 King (my husband) come and got in bed with me. We set up looking at one of our favorite t.v. shows (family guy) and  he looked at me and said [ We getting married ]. I laughed at him because for one, he didn't ask me anything and on top of that we had only been dating for about 4 or 5 months. Fast forward to August and he we are downtown and this wedding party was happening right by us. I seen the bride and said ( oh I love her dress) and again he says.. [ we are going married. Have you picked out a date yet?] This time I knew he wasn't playing and I just started planning our wedding at the end of 2010. Bring you up to date.. we were married August,18,2012. Welp today Dec,13,2013 he came in the house with flowers and a love letter, asking me to marry him again.

And I said YES!

It's Not A Engagement Ring If You Buy It For Yourself

en·gage·ment ring
noun1.
a ring given by a man to a woman when they agree to marry.

Now understand me, I am all for women going after what they want. So if you feel the need to pop the big question, please do. But can you call it a engagement ring if you pick and pay for your own ring?

Last night King (my husband) and I was talking about a story I came across when on a wedding blog. And in this story a young woman tell us, her and her boyfriend had been together for some time and she was ready to get married. However he hadn't stepped up and asked her to marry him. So she took upon herself to go out pick and pay for her own ring.

She didn't talk this out with him and he didn't go with her to do this little project. If I recall she isn't even going to tell him she paid for this ring. I am going to give you her plan step by step.. or as I remember it.

Step 1: Buy own engagement ring
Step 2: Give it to a friend, who will give it to her boyfriend
Step 3: Have her friend lie and say they called off their engagement, and no longer wanted the ring.
Now her plan is for him to take this ring and then give it to her.

It is so many things wrong with her (Plan). Like if he isn't ready to get married. He already have a for her. Or if he finds out what she has done behind his back.

King and I feel like even if he takes the ring, it isn't an engagement ring. So now I have to bring it to y'all. Is it an engagement ring if you buy your own ring.

They Don't Belong To You

Yes they are married but I know they love me. They are going to let go of their families and come and be with me. If their partner was doing his or her  they wouldn't be with me.

The many things people say to friends, family and most of all themselves, when they are in relationships with married men and women. Now I know men sleep around with married women all the time but today, I am looking into the souls of women.

We don't know how real the Love & Hip-hop storyline is with Guns, and his two women, but the topic is every day life for some women. When anyone

Young and Married

So many people feel like, when your about to get married you need to be in your late 20's going into your 30's. You should be in your career filed and stable. But sometimes things don't happen in the order people feel they should. I am a strong believer in (life is going to do what it wants and we need to learn, how to roll with the punches). Getting married is like opening your own business. You go into it with bright eyes and just ready to get things started. But what many people forget is, that hard work is the next step. This is true for marriage as well. The hard work isn't over just because you have the ring, and have had your wedding... The true test and work has just started. And the fact is no matter the age some people can't deal with what comes after the wedding is over and done. You see it in day to day like and on T.V that be coming one, is a bigger deal then most people want  think it is.
So because of this friends and family will feel the need to tell younger couples to wait. I was 19 one month from my 20th birthday, when I started building my friendship with my husband. We both were dealing with crazy break ups, and wasn't ready to be with anyone. I had been single for a year and him about 4 or 5 months. Both ex's were still in the picture and the fact is a friendship was all we needed. But as time passed feelings come from that friendship. But my 21st birthday I was engaged. So many people came to us (well me) saying that I was too young to get married and I needed to take my time and they said all the same things I said at the beginning of this blog. Now I agree with all of that,but I felt my age shouldn't have been a problem. I have seen people get married at 35 and end up not making it a year. I see it like this. If it's meant to be no matter the age, the marriage will work out no matter if you're 18 or 52 . So I say be sure that marriage is really what you both want. If so go to marriage counseling and use that as a way to get all your problems out in the open so you can deal with them head on. The magic isn't in the wedding,but in staying married. So no matter what age you are go and be happy..

Wrong Images Of Marriage

Martin & Gina, Cliff & Claire, George & Weezy… They are a few television couples, that we all look up too. We see so much love from them, that we overlook the fact it's all TV.

The truth is we can, joke like Martin & Gina and love like George & Weezy, but understand that it will be real life up's and down's. Life isn't going to be friends over the house everyday, or singing around the house. Now don't get me wrong, every now and then friends will be around and you may have random song and dance breaks, but that isn't a everyday thing.

Cliff and Claire had us all feeling, we can have it all, but let's look closer. Cliff was a doctor,a career that takes a person away from home all the time. And Claire a lawyer, another career that comes with long day's and nights.  This power couple had 5 kids and two careers that keeps you away from home a lot. We never really seen Cliff and Claire have a real life fight.  Even with jobs as a lawyer and doctor, money would became a problem at some point. Claire and Cliff had a home to pay for, 5 kids (even when they were grown) then you add on Olivia and cousin Pam, helping with the twin grandkids and paying off schools.  With all of that, we never seen the disagreement about money. Or what about time spent together, that has to do something to a relationship when it isn't any time left in the day, to be with your husband or wife.

The point of this blog isn't to say that the television shows we all love, are wrong. Because their not, they teach us to love and care for our family and friends. They teach us that not all black marriages fail. However they don't give us all the facts, we need to keep our marriages together. Understand getting married will not fix everything, or make all your problems go away. You will have up's and down's, and drama in between. It will be days you want to run away and never look back, but keep in mind with every bad day it will be 5 or more great one's.  And you can have it all, you just have to work to get it and keep it. 

Like anything else take the lessons from the show, not try to model your life after it.

The Ex Game

Many of you are reading this asking, 'what are The Ex Games?' Well let me help you out. My cousin and I came up with the saying back in 2010. And it's about the games your ex will play, to get back with you or to make sure you don't move on first. We have 3 signs you should look out for.
By the way, it can be done when a relationship is ending.

#3: Telling You What You Want To Hear.
    You know how all you wanted, was to be told your loved? And the person you are/was with didn't do it. Well now that the relationship is over or ending, they are about to play every hand they can. From calling you all the time, down to using your own words against you. (I.E: You told me, you would love me forever. Or Baby I love you and your all I want) Bull! Where was all this love and understanding when we was together. And you didn't care how I felt when I first told you that, so why bring it up now? The game player doesn't like to lose. And you can't be done, until they tell you that your done.

#2: Being Too Friendly
     
   Now it's nothing wrong with being friends with your ex. But be careful about how friendly, the two of you are with each other. If have moved on and gotten into a new relationship, don't open up to your ex about your relationship problems. Why? Because some ex's will that all of that information and use it later on down the line. Telling you how they never, did that type of wrong by you (and they did). How you never cried this much when y'all, was together ( when you cried more). By doing this to you, they make you feel like maybe you messed up by letting them go.

#1: Sex Has Power

  Sex comes with so much power! And some of us don't even know it. If your trying to end a relationship or already have, keeping the sex going is a bad, bad, bad idea. You want to be able to have a clean get away from that relationship.  You don't want that person to have any type of power over you…

So if you want to stay away from the Ex Games. Don't fall for everything your told, if you want to stay friends that's okay, but give to much information. And keep sex out of it.

Love Letter To My Husband

When I was a little girl I never thought about, having kids or getting married. As the years pasted me by and I was disrespected and put down, any thoughts of that stuff was pushed away.
After high school I had so many plans, to move out of Baltimore and never come back to this place and I just wanted to start over, but God had other plans for me. He took me to a place where I had worked so hard to stay away from, he showed me who my real friends were and how the man I thought I was in love with, was no good for me. But something so amazing and beautiful was about to enter my life. January 30th 2010 , you came into my life. You was so funny, caring, outgoing and open with me, that if nothing else come from us meeting, I would have been happy to just have you as a friend. But yet again God had something else in mind for us. Time was passing us by and with everyday that would pass us, we become so much more closer. And I don't know what happened but I felt myself falling in love with you, and once I told you that information and you said you felt the same way.... I just knew this was a start of something great.

You have been by my side when my days were hell and you stood by me when my dreams changed over and over again. Not one time did you put me down or even laugh at me. With ever fight we have had, you have never  let me walk away, from a once in a life time type of love. We are not perfect and we are still learning what make each of us tick, but we have so much love for one another that it's no question to me that we will see 50+ years of marriage.
I see now that the reason we fight so hard, is because we love so damn hard. And I want you to know that even if, it looks like I am about to walk out of the ring, I could never let you fight this fight on your own.
I dream of our children and I dream of our life after all of the hard times and test we will be put through, and let me tell you, we are so happy.
I want to be the best wife for you because your the best husband for me.

I love you Aaron Reid and i have no problem tell the world how i feel about you.

Happy 1 year Anniversary

   Love your Mrs 

5 Things You Should Know About Online Dating

We all see the TV shows like MTV's. 'Catfish' or ID's 'Date From Hell'. But online dating isn't always on Fox news. It's all about knowing how to keep yourself safe. Having an idea on what to do and what not to do.

Now a days dating website's are popping up everywhere. And it is hard to pick from them all. Well I set with my husband and come up, with 5 things you should know about online dating. The 5 things we came up with, are to make sure you have a safe and fun experience with online dating.

1) Don't Give Up Too Much Information: You want to save some information for the first date or if it's never a date at all. Why give someone apart of your life, if your not sure your going to meet. It's no need to give it all away on your page. You want to be sure things like, your phone number, home or work address isn't on your page. Keeping that information safe is most important.

2) Be Careful Of The Pictures You Post:  Women you want to make sure the pictures you post, are sending out the right message about you. Photos of you with almost nothing on, does get you the attention you want or feel you need, but a lot of times it brings the wrong attention. Like men who only want you for your body. Just make sure the pictures you post are the image you want out here. Men you also have to be careful. Posting photos of 'money' 'cars' and big homes, are not the way to go. If you don't have it that makes you a lie. And if you do have it, that will get you a gold digger. So if you have it or not, don't let it make or brake you. You want someone who loves you, for you and not the things you have.

3) Stay Away From Sex Talk: Yes we all talk about and have sex. The thing is timing. You don't or should I say shouldn't make you first couple of conversations about, what you can and will do in the bedroom.  When any relationship starts like that, the other person could careless, if you are in school or if your smart and outgoing. All they want is to try you out. When meeting someone on or offline, show them other sides of who you are, and if they learn that the sex will come later.

4) Knowing That It's Real: When you are dealing with online dating, you want to make sure people are who they say they are. So before setting up a date, ask if they are willing to video chat with you. If they say they don't have a web camera, then ask them to place your name on some paper ... have them hold it up next to or under their face and take a picture, and send it to you. And to be fair you do the same. Doing this help both of you see it's real.

Now this last one, has to be my favorite. It's something we all use, but never seem to think of using when online dating. Number 5.

5) Google It Baby:  We all know that the internet, helps to pull up all types of information. So why not use it to help you be sure of what, it is your dealing with,You can look up anything. You can look up new or old cases, check the sex offenders list to make sure you and if you have kids are safe. Now be sure to let the person know, you will be looking into this stuff. That way it gives them the chance to tell you anything, you know.

        ' Who Needs A Degree When Your School'n Life

Dear Me

Dear Me,

You have no idea what life has for us. It's so much good and bad coming our way, and if only I was able to get this to you sooner, maybe things could be different. 1-4 we will learn that life, isn't always sunshine .. we will be sent to spend most of your time with a great lady named Ms. Annette, she will love us and give some much of herself to us. 5-now A young woman will step up, as our sister and teach us, about boys and love and a lot of other things, we need to know about life. We will learn at a young age that men will let us down, because our father will pick his wife, over fighting for a relationship with you and I. We will see and hear a men yell and beat on our mother, but like good girls we will block it all out, as if it never happened. As we get older, we will become hard and unhappy, because we will be talked about because we are different, and over looked because people think we have it all together. And I guess in some ways we do. We become so good at playing happy and so good at over looking bad things that no one sees the pain. We will have so many great people come in and out of our lives, that we just become a better person.  We have love / hate relationship with our older sister for most of our life but at one point we get that together. We have a long hard road with our mom, because for the most part all she is to us, is a back we see walking away. In and out of clubs. It's no need to tell it all because you will see. (Tip: the less you care the better). We will be touched by a older Guy but we will not tell, because no one will believe us. But we are strong and smart and loving, to bad that means nothing to most people. By the time we are in high school ... we would have been tested so many times people wouldn't believe it. 17-19 we will be in a unhealthy ass relationship. Where we become someone we're not. But we will graduate will great grades and we start to slowly get back to who we are. By our 20th birthday, we are back to business. A GREAT man comes into our life and helps to make things better. He makes us feel good about life and helps grow a little day-by-day. We marry him, August 18,2012.

It is so much I want to tell you, but I know I can't. But let me just tell you this.  Don't change a thing that happens to us, it all helps make the women we become. We now have great friends, a loving husband and the family that comes with it. We are not perfect and we still look for answers that, we have to wait for. But over all life is good and we are just working and planning to make it better.

Would You Marry Yourself ?

Would you marry you if someone put your life on paper, and looked at all your good and bad, would you say "yea I would marry, that person on this paper". Taking the time, to look at yourself and saying "what is it about me, that's attracting the wrong type of people." Maybe it's the things you say, or the friends you keep around you. Or maybe it's a little bit of everything. No matter what it is, you have to find out and work on it.

Now I know a lot of people will read this and say ' Well I know it's nothing wrong with me, or I did nothing wrong in my relationships.. it was the other person that messed up." If you are one of them people. Let me tell you now, your wrong. Everyone has done something wrong in every relationship. Even if you think you, what you were doing was the best thing for the relationship. I.e: Not being yourself to make someone happy. Or Letting someone walk all over you. Two really big thing's that a lot of us do. For the record change is good, when it's for the best and both people, are working on this change.

However it isn't all that great, when you are walking that walk along and the only person, happy with this change is your partner. It's important to take a close look at yourself, before talking or thinking about marriage. If you don't love you, and your unhappy with yourself, people pick up on that. And people who get off to using others, start to become your lifestyle. Having that happen, is nothing but bad. Mostly in your romantic relationship, because the men or women who pick up on your negativity will get close, just to learn you wickedness and then use it to run your life. Knowing all of that I pose the question 'Would I Marry Me?' Knowing that you, may have an negative outlook on life and men or women.  Being a person who doesn't love themselves and will not let the right people love you... 'Would You Marry Yourself?'

What if you have no idea who you are,or where you stand in life. Or you are just flat out down on yourself. Now without you knowing it, someone wrote down all of your good qualitys and all of your bad ones. And your bad over powered your good. Would take the next step, with the person you just read about. Or would you think 'Hell No'.

Being real with yourself, would you marry you? And if not why would anyone else?

' Who Needs A Degree When You Schooling life'

How many times

This is for the women, who have been played with, lied too, cheated on, and just flat out let down. Before I got with Mr.Reid, I had been in what I like to call 'The No-No' relationship. And a No-No relationship is where, you're so in love, that you are foolish enough to let that person, do and say what ever it is they want too. You want space 'okay'.... you still want to have sex 'okay' ... You want to see other people 'okay'. And I can't put it all on the other person, why? Because I let it all happen, and I would act as if everything was okay. When it really wasn't. I lost myself in that relationship. But this song helped me to see, I didn't need to deal with that mess. I hope this song helps, someone else.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=211XZr_0x_s&feature=youtube_gdata_player

So In Love

This is a note just because. We have been walking in a storm for sometime now, and we have been passing every test that has came our way. We are working to make life better, and working to make our marriage stronger. I know that we are not going get things right over night. And I am here to work and fight for us to make it. This note is to show you that your important to me. And I can't promise that I won't have off days. But I will promise, to be the best wife I can,and to be more open with you... I love you and I can't see myself without you.

Divorce and Life After.

Well I want to start off by saying, No Mr.Reid and I are not getting divorced... I am talking about this because a lot of people seem to be giving up on love and marriage.
Now a days it seems like couples that are married or getting married, can't seem to make it to the golden years. They say that 60%-70% of marriages end in divorce. And most of them end because of money, kids, and cheating. 

Like all relationship's married couples have problems, and have to work them out. My thoughts on divorce are 50/50, part of me can understand,getting a divorce and the other half of me not so much. 
When you are in a marriage, that is troubled and you feel your life falling apart and, both people try to make it work. Both of them fight and give 1,000% to fix whatever that's wrong, but for some reason things don't seem to work ... that to me isn't a failed marriage. Why not?  Well because when two people have done everything in their power to the marriage work, but still couldn't make it. They get the respect from me of ' well you gave it all you could plus some' .

Now if you are someone that runs to divorce hills, every time things become hard....! That to me is a failed marriage. It is like giving up without even trying.

Divorce is a hard thing for anyone, but I believe it is harder for the couples that try to save their marriage. 

This is all my opinion so it's nothing, that I'm saying wrong.

Marrying a man in jail.

I have always wanted to know or understand, the women who marry men that are in jail. Now I can understand if you are Marie's before he goes to jail.... but what about the men that have been locked up for years, and the end up marrying some the have from a pin pal.

My question for today is, would you marry someone that is locked up? Why or why not?

I'm Back

Hey everyone.

I have been gone for a little and I have you been so busy.  But I have some new and great ideas to blog about

Taking His Name

Why, in 2013, does getting married mean giving up the most basic marker of your identity?" asks Jill Filipovic in the Guardian today. "And if family unity is so important, why don't men ever change their names?"

A name change can be a powerful move if you're renaming yourself in a way that gives you more agency — maybe you want to change your gender presentation, or maybe you just hate the name your parents chose for you back when you had no say in the matter. But studies show that more than 90% of women still change their names when they get married and 50% of Americans think you should be legally required to take your husband's name. Isn't it 2013? Filipovic writes:

That is fundamentally why I oppose changing your name (and why I look forward to the wider legalization of same-sex marriage, which in addition to just being good and right, will challenge the idea that there are naturally different roles for men and women within the marital unit). Identities matter, and the words we put on things are part of how we make them real. There's a power in naming that feminists and social justice activists have long highlighted. Putting a word to the most obvious social dynamics is the first step toward ending inequality. Words like "sexism" and "racism" make clear that different treatment based on sex or race is something other than the natural state of things; the invention of the term "Ms" shed light on the fact that men simply existed in the world while women were identified based on their marital status.

Your name is your identity. The term for you is what situates you in the world. The cultural assumption that women will change their names upon marriage – the assumption that we'll even think about it, and be in a position where we make a "choice" of whether to keep our names or take our husbands' – cannot be without consequence. Part of how our brains function and make sense of a vast and confusing universe is by naming and categorizing. When women see our names as temporary or not really ours, and when we understand that part of being a woman is subsuming your own identity into our husband's, that impacts our perception of ourselves and our role in the world. It lessens the belief that our existence is valuable unto itself, and that as individuals we are already whole. It disassociates us from ourselves, and feeds into a female understanding of self as relational – we are not simply who we are, we are defined by our role as someone's wife or mother or daughter or sister.

My mom kept her last name and never fails to roll her eyes whenever she's addressed as Mrs. Baker. Her last name is actually part of my full name, on my birth certificate (which is Kaitlin Jennifer Molly Lackman Baker, because my parents are insane), so it wouldn't completely fade away when she and her sister got married. I never even considered the possibility of being a stay-at-home mom because my mother worked full-time, and that's probably why I never even considered the possibility of changing my last name under any circumstances, either. It's always bothered me that some women feel getting married necessitates giving that part of yourself up; it seems so archaic.

But perhaps I'm particularly attached to my name because it's my byline, my professional identity. I don't think it's anti-feminist to change your name for your partner, but I'd like to move past the (incredibly heteronormative) assumptions that of course the woman should change her last name, of course the kids should take the man's surname, and of course a woman is a shitty wife if she's not willing to alter the way she's thought of herself throughout her entire life.
(http://jezebel.com/5989279/why-do-most-women-still-take-their-husbands-last-name)


After reading the above article I don't feel bad, for taking my time on changing my name. I have had people come for me, because I didn't jump to lose my last name. Taking someone's name is deep, you are taking apart of yourself away. And yes you can get it back if anything goes wrong with your marriage, but after everything you may have went through, why do through it. So I guess before running out to change your name, make sure your 100% sure you want to make that move.
 
 

She's too young

I am 23 years old, married and working on having a little family of my own, one day. I was with my now husband for about 5-6 months before he asked me to marry him. We had a year and a half long engagement, and was married on August 18/2012.
So if I have done the math right,  I was 20 years old and engaged and was married about 6 after my 22nd birthday.
The day I told my mom and sister about being engaged, they seemed to be happy. Some of my friends were down and others not so much. But the biggest question that people asked was "Are You Ready?". Now I know for sure everyone is asked this question, but I also know when you're younger... That question means so much more.
Right after my 21st birthday, I started to plan more and more. Mr.Reid and I started marriage counseling with my uncle/pastor. Working overtime to pay for this and that. Anyway, one day a friend of the family came up to me and asked me "was I ready to be someone's wife?". I told her "yes" and then she hit me with a conversation from no were.
She told me she had been married young and it didn't workout. That she only married him because, she didn't think it took as much work as it did. She went on and said, " you're only 21, and you have so much life to live. You have no idea how to be someone's wife. With y'all being young, the road to failing is closer than you two think." At that point I was done talking to her because I didn't want to hear the negative things she was saying. Fast forward to now. Mr.Reid will be 27 this September and it seems like people still are on that question.
So now I think I can answer this question without any problems.
It is people in this world that have gotten married and had children all before the age of 20. And has made it to see 30-40+ year of marriage. Some places in the world the age of marriage is 10years of age. It is no right or wrong way to be a husband or wife. For one it up to that couple, the rules of that relationship and the way they want to love each other. If being young and not having money was going to really mess up a marriage, someone should have a talk with the 30 and over people, who are on marriage number 2 or 3. Talk to all the rich people in the world who can't seem to get it right. Hell Kim.K has money and was over the age of 30 and only made it 72 day or something like that. I guess that put holes all in your idea.
People have to understand that people, relationships,and marriages are all very different. Some people have open relationships and marriages( it isn't for me, but who am I to tell them, they aren't going to work.)
I know it's doctors out here who study, young marriages and say 'She is too Young' but are you God? Can you see the future? No! I didn't think so. So who are they to tell me or anyone else for that matter,  they will not last because they don't love like you think they should.
So for all my 20 somethings if you're in love and want to get married, go to marriage counseling to make sure you this is what you want and go for it. No one else is in the relationship or marriage, go be happy.

How to tell your the other Man or Woman

1) He/She Leaves The Room To Use The Phone:
 A red flag that far too many men and women let slide. If they walk away from you every time ‘Sarah’ or 'Rob' calls…he or she just might go with Sarah or Rob. And they probably don’t go with you.

2) You Don’t Know His or Her Loved Ones:
  The “other man or woman” may get to hang out with some of a man or woman's friends, but they probably won’t get introduced to his or her whole crew (especially not his or her friends) or his/her parents. Friends who may be loyal to the boyfriend /girlfriend,  or are known for being gossipy won’t get the introduction either. And if you have met family, you were not granted a formal introduction (i.e. running into his/her sister at a party or if a cousin comes by his or her house) You are just a friend.

3) You don't see them on the weekdays:
If you're man or woman can't see you Monday-Friday at normal times (9-5) that's your sign. They can't see you because they are with the one they love. Now if they do see you during business times, the boyfriend or girlfriend maybe out of town or they are on the out's at the time.

4)You have never been to their home:
If you have been with this person for more than 8 months and you have never been to that persons home.. That's a red flag all by it's self. They can't take you home because it's already someone there, that you don't need to know.

5) You can't see them on Special Occasions:
They make big plans for their birthday
and talk about all of the plans and when the big day comes, they say "oh I called it off and I'm going to be with my mom and dad today". Or a Superbowl party with friends, and you don't get a invitation. 

It's a lot of other signs, I could bring up but this is the top 5... And it maybe a part two. Look out for red flags in your relationship

Why Cheat?

The world age question is why cheat? Men and women both cheat at some point. Some of them cheat because they are getting pay back, and others my do it because they are unhappy. But for most its just that,that's what they wanted to do.

Now don't think, I am saying that all men and women cheat because they don't. So my question is "Why cheat?" I went around and asked some people the question.

 

I started off with the older men and women at my husbands job. The first hand full of people i asked was 5 men 60-80 years old.

Have you ever cheated?

4 of them answered : Yes. The one man that said no told me he had been with his wife, for over 30 years. And they had gotten married right out of high school and he would find new things about her to fall in love with. So by doing that, he never felt the need to cheat on his wife.

So I go on to ask the 4 men that said yes, my next question.

Why did you cheat?

one guy said he was 100% unhappy in the relationship he was in at the time he cheated. But he couldn't walk away from her, because they had just had a baby. The other men didn't seem to have a real reason, to why they cheated. All three of them said it just happened.

So I took my questions over to 5 women that seemed to have already been talking about what I was there for.

Have you ever cheated?

And what happened next my me a laugh. All 5 of them said "Yes". One of them was really open with me, to why she cheated. Here is the short story. When she was 20 years old she had gotten married to a friend of the family. After two years and a baby,she started to see a change in him. He would come home late and sometimes not at all. She deal with that for a long time, until one day it come out he had been cheating on from day one. Once she was given that information, she went to talk to her mom about it,and her mother's reply was.. "Well baby your father cheated on me, for the first 5year of our marriage." She went on to tell me, that back in her and her mother's day, they didn't believe in walking away from your husband and your family. Getting a divorce back wasn't even something married people talked about, and if someone did get one.. The woman and he kids (if she had any) would be talked about. She said " that after that talk with her mom, she didn't want to be looked at as a outcast. One day when she was 25 she started a new job and it was a man there that would flirt and complement her all of the time. Cutting right to it, she started sleeping with that man. 3 years she did this, going back and forward from hotel to hotel, in and out of his home and sometimes at work. And the only thing that made her stop was, he wanted to be with her full on. He wanted for her to divorce her husband and take the kids and be with him. She told me, she just couldn't do that. She loved her husband and didn't want a divorce, she just wanted to feel loved and cared for without the string being added.

After that I said "Thank you", to everyone one and moved on to some other people.

For two more days I asked people the same questions and for the people who said yes to my question, the reason for doing it was, he/she cheated on me or I wasn't getting what I needed at home or just I don't know.. Things happen. I also asked "Why stay?" and believe it or not a lot of people answered the same way. I wanted to work on my family, I love him/her, that other person didn't mean anything to me.

 

So here is how I fell about it all. Just because you have a child with a person doesn't mean, they have the right to treat you wrong. People will only treat you the way you let them. You can't let someone walk all over you time and time and time again . If you're unhappy or not getting what you need from home, you can (A. Talk to the person you are in a relationship with, let them know how you're feeling. Put it out there for them, so you both can work on it and try to make things better. Or (B. Walk Away! No one is putting a gun to your head and making you stay. It's always a way out. When you cheat you take away the other persons choice on if they want to stay or go, or even if they want to change or not. You take away the choice when you do it and then never come clean about it or you wait until it's to late and they have to know. And for the ones who just can't seem to be faithful and know this to be true for themselves, just don't get into a relationship until you work on yourself first.

So over all if you're not happy, not getting what you need/ want or just flat out can't be faithful. Don't cheat ... Just walk away!

 

Think before you cheat.

 

Who Needs A Degree When You School'n Life. 

Too Many Engagements

To have one person pop the big question is a great thing and if that doesn't work to have another chance at it, makes you lucky. But what happens when you have been engaged too many times to, too many people? 

When you have been lucky enough to find the man or women of dreams, and can take it to the next stage of life (marriage) that is one of the best things in life. But having too many dream men or women could be a problem. Like being engaged more than 5 times in a life time but never making it down the aisle or what about 5 times in 3 year or in one. Yes people it is men and women out here, that have been engaged 5 or more times in one year to 5 or more people. At some point you have to stop! And try to get down to the problem of why you can't seal the deal.

I know a lady, let's call her Ms. No Commitment.. She will be 45 next year and she have been engaged way too many times. But let just talk about the years of 2012-2013. She has been engaged 4 times, well 5 if we are going to count the engagement she is in now.
When she first told me, she was getting married it was in late April of 2012. She seemed to be so happy, she was with her boyfriend for about 3years and he had asked her to marry him over dinner. After 2 months she called me and said the wedding was off, I all felt so bad and wanted to make her feel better but she said she was "okay". A month passes by and out the blue I see her downtown as I was shopping, she stops me and shows me her left hand.. BAM an engagement ring. I say ' congratulations ' and say I am happy you and your boyfriend worked it out.... Well I was 100% wrong. She looks at me and says. " I am not back with him!, he isn't even worth my time."  So now I feel dumb. Ms. No Commitment goes on to tell me, she has gotten with a new man that she met 2 weeks after she called off her first engagement.  Now I think this way too fast and that she maybe crazy but, I again say congratulations and then walk away.
So it is now September and I get a phone call and it's Ms. No Commitment on the other end of my phone, asking how I was and so on. I tell her and then she says to me " can you plan my wedding?" I tell her "yes" and go on to ask about the lucky man she is marrying. She tell me about him, and tells me how happy she is. It felt good to know someone can be hurt and jump right back into the game. As she talks to me about all of her ideas, I don't know made me ask but I found myself saying " Is this the same guy you told me about the last time, I seen you?"  She stopped for a minute..... And then goes "Oh No! Girl me and him didn't make it" O_o Here I am again lost, to how in the hell she keeps ending up engaged so fast, and with new men at that.
Long story short this happens 2 more time before February of 2013. So it is now May and she is engaged again! With a younger man and she says it's going to work this time..

Now when I tell this story people think it's no way.. She had to be telling a lie or just looking for someone to pay her some mind. No lie I thought the same thing, until I added her on Facebook and she invited me to see some private photos she had hidden, of her and her many fiancés.
Ms. No Commitment is one of many people in the world who just can't seem to get right, and she believes that it's the men she meets and feels she does nothing wrong.

So I guess I answered my own question, yes you can be engaged too many times..


Who Needs A Degree When I'm School'n Life.

This Time

I have spent my life trying to make sure that, I keep the people around me happy.. Now that I am married and working on having kids, I can no longer work for them.
I have to take the time from others to make sure me and mine are okay. I see that a lot of people don't seem to understand that my life line up has changed, it's God and then my husband and me. And when you have people around who can't get that, it makes it that much harder to tell them no. I have to make, or better I say take away time from something to give it away to something else, and that is what I feel I fail at.. poor timing.

I have been told some crazy stuff, and most of it was about how to be a wife. Something I feel you can not tell. Being a wife or mother is all in the eye of the beholder. What I feel and what you feel, about it, will not be the same. (I.E. the way we love or care). Some women have told me that, they just do what they want, with no thought about how that could hurt the man in her life. Some others have gone and cut off all life from others. But with me I would like to think, I have a happy place. I respect for my husband, so I will not do any life changing thing's without talking it over with him first. This man is my King and I am his Queen and we treat each other as such. But I also make time to be me. I find things to better myself, like going to school or learning to drive, or just being around my friends.

So this time around, I will make people understand, that life isn't what it use to be for me, I have some else to think of. That I can no loger, stop everything to make sure they have what it is they want from me. This time I have to make sure my timing is just right, so that I can make things better. I am happy and I would love for everyone to see that, this time it's not about them, but it's about me.

He Is Just Not that Into You

Okay ladies I felt like I needed to have have a talk with you woman to woman. It makes me so sad to see the women of the world being played out. Not knowing when to walk away from a man who isn't doing anything but bring you down...

We all play the fool and some of us pay for it at the end of the day, some my not be about to trust anymore and some of us end up giving up everything for a man who gives up nothing at all.  So I talked to some friends and come up with some ways to tell 'HE JUST ISN'T THAT INTO YOU'.

 One way to tell he just isn't into you is (He never calls or text you first) a man who wan't to get to know you will take the time to call or text you at some time in the day, without you having to make the first move. Now I am not saying you get out here and act as if your too good to call or text him because it goes both ways.... but what i am saying is if you are the one who ALWAYS calls or sends the first text, he may not be that into you.

He talks to you about other women he is dating. From what I have seen in life that means a few things, he could be really open and doesn't want to string you along, he is a tool and feels like you should be okay with whatever he puts out there or you have been put in the FRIENDZONE. Now just in case you don't get it, all of this means, he isn't into you. A man you like or are dating should be open with you from the start that he isn't looking for a relationship, but he should never tell you about how good or bad he date was last night or how good or bad the next woman was in bed. If he was into you even after telling you he doesn't want a relationship, he would go out of his way to make you feel as if you were the only girl... and the more you both got to know each other sooner or later you would be.

You never meet the best friend. Meeting the best friend is like the first step to meeting the family. Most people feel like if my best friend likes you than your a keeper, but if you hear about the best friend but never get to meet the best friend, even after months of dating, it is a reason you havn't.  It could be that he feels like your not the one or even close to being the one. My bother told me within the first 6 month's to a year most men know if he is going to marry us, he also said within the 2 -4 months he knows if he is going to take you home to meet the family. Now i don't know how true this is but if it is and you  have been with your guy for over 4 months and you have not met his family or best friend it maybe time to see where you stand in his life.


If he can't answer anything about you. If you bring him around any of your friends and they start to ask about you and he has no idea what they are talking about, he really isn't into you. Some who cares will take the time to learn thing's about you and get a really good feel for who you are as a person. So let say you have told your boyfriend over 5 times your brithday and still forgets or you tell you you love the color red. but yet he can't seem to get it right. All of that shows he doen't care like you think he does.


It is so much more I could say about this but i believe you get it now. So next time know when it's time to walk away from someone who doesn't feel like you are wroth giving up everything.


Who Needs A Dergee When I'm School'n Life

Married Life

I got married August 18,2012 and it was the best day of my life. I married my best friend  and I believe with a lot of love & hard work and time we will make it.
When people told us that the first year of marriage was going to hard  I didn't believe them. But it really is, once you say 'I do' that's it. You really take on that other persons problems and family drama, and they take on yours fully. You have to be strong to be someone's husband or wife, and know and understand that sometimes, the bad days will come more than the good ones. Being able to roll with ever punch and fight together to make sure you get to the happier times as a family.
I am 23 and my husband is 26 and so many people told us that we are too young and that it wasn't going to turn out good, but yet day by day we are making it. We are not 100% and as young people we still have a lot.to learn and work on.. But it is so much better doing it together. Working to make our dreams come true and to make moves to better ourselves and also making sure things will be good for our children when the time comes.

 My husband makes sure that I do whatever it is I want to do in life, he never puts my dreams down and would give me the world if he could, and that alone makes the fighting and crying we go though okay. Because I know once it's over we are on the same team.

We are not perfect and somethings will go wrong but I am so happy I married the man I married and one day I pray God will bless me with a son just like his daddy. And two little girls just like me lol

Who Needs A Degree When I'm School'n Life

Here is a great song that I feel goes with this post

Loving You First

The thing about love is, it starts from within yourself. When you love you it is hard for people to put you down, or make you feel bad about yourself no matter what. But when you become your own downer, everything will get to you and make you feel as if you're not good enough. 

 Not loving yourself will play out in every relationship you have in life. I know that in life we all are put though a test and some of us come out of it better and other come out beaten. Well the truth is we all come out better, it's some of us haven't found the way to deal with what was given to us.

 When you are dating someone and you don't know your own worth you can and will fall for anything. Not because you're dumb, but because it feels good to have someone love and care about you better than you love and care about yourself.  Once that happens you don't see the red flags that are being shown to you. Like that man or woman could be a liar or cheating or disrespecting you and all types of ways, all you know or think you know is they love. A person will test you over and over again just to see if they can get away with. And when it is a lack of love for self you will always fail the test.

 You have to learn to not let your past over power you future, learn to forgive the people who have done you wrong, and yes I know that is hard to do, but the people you are mad at are going about life just fine and they are sleeping and loving with no problem and hear you are mad all of the time. Always pushing people away who really love you, and falling into a place that is hard to get up from.

Taking time to look yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself that you are loved  by God and you are loved by your friends and family members and most of all, telling yourself you are loved by you.

 If you can do that and believe it, things will start to look a little better day by day. And no one will be able to just tell you any old thing, and you will be able to see when something is wrong around you..

Loving you makes for a better life.. Try it


Who Needs A Degree When I'm School'n Life

Your Undatable.

 Some people don't seem to understand, other people are always looking at your every move, and when that happens sometimes it can leave a bad taste in their mouth.
 And for most people in the world they don't care how others feel about them. Well i am here to say... You may want to start caring. The way you carry yourself, can make or break your love life. Don't believe me? Well here are some ways to tell why you can't keep a man/woman, and reasons why you maybe looked at as UNDATEABLE..........


             Number One: You fall in love way too fast.
       
             As most people know the base of a any good relationship can be faith, love, trust, honesty and the list can go on. But all of that start's from a friendship. Now no one is saying that you shouldn't get out here in the world and date, but you also don't want to jump into pan that's on fire. An example of falling in love too fast is, You think every man/woman is THE ONE. What is really going on here is, you see one or two good thing's in every person you date, and you take that and run with it. You may even over look the bad thing's in a person just to keep one good thing. Now before you say well "No one is perfect" Well you're right, us as human beings are not made to be perfect. But you shouldn't sell your soul or settle for love. Another way to tell you are falling in love way to fast is after only a few day's you are ready to tell this person you love them. How do you know you love them?  If you know nothing about them.  Yes i know people say "It was love at first sight" and yes i am sure that happens, but more time than not... it's just a strong like for a person, and it is good to know the differnce between the two.


             Number Two:  You give away to much information (T.M.I)
             
          When you first go out on a date with someone, it's okay to tell them some things about yourself (i.e. favorite color, movie, thing to do) but you don't have to tell that person any family drama or baby daddy/ma'ma b.s. "Why not?" you say. You just trying to keep it real and put it all out there on the table.Well for one, your business isn't their business. This person didn't ask you out to hear why you hate your mom or dad or even to know why you can't stand your babies father or mother. Another reason you don't give it all away on the first date is because you really don't this person well enough to give away all of your information. You just give a person 100% of you trust off the back.
One a fisrt date just keep the conversation light.

            Number Three:  Talking about your ex

       Even if your last relationship was 100% good or 1,000% bad you do not keep bring it up. It's okay the first time you bring it up because you are given this person a backround about your life before them, and that story could be the thing to help them understand you better. But once you put it out on the table LET IT BE.
No one want's to keep hearing about how good your last man/woman was or how bad. They really don't want to be compared them. We have all been hurt but that dones't mean you have to keep telling the new person in your life how hurt you still are. Also you don't want to keep bring up how great the last man/woman was. You never want to make the new person in your life feel like they will never be good enough to be with you, and you also never want them to feel like what they do isn't good enough.

          Number Four:  The way you dress (Yes the way you dress)
  
         Yes people the way you dress! The way you dress says a lot about you and who you are. If you go to school and work a great job and is out of this world smart, but yet you dress as if you just walk out of a strip club from a long night of work or like you sell drugs or just got out of jail you my friend are sending mix messages. You see it all of the time people talking about how badly he/she is dressed and just from that alone people form opinion. Your Mr/Mrs Right could have past you up because of the way you dress and you may have done the same because of the way they where dressed.

          Number Five:  Overly sexual conversation

       We all love sex, some more then others, but some of us can over do it. When you are in the stage of a relationship where your just getting to know each other you don't want to come off as this over the top nymphomaniac. Ladies when you are just getting to know a man, you don't to start the conversation telling him how many people you have had sex with, or the many ways you like to be f**ked. One if he was trying to get to know you without making it about sex... that has just gone  out the window. Two, you may not be as good as you think or say you are in the bedroom. The last thing you want do is talk about a lot of mess about how great you are and then when the time comes you are no good or you play a lot of games to get out of it.. Big no no.
  Men don't tell a women about how you can beat the p**sy up or how big you are or anything like that because sooner ot later she will put you to the test, and if you fail that test you will be talked about. People like to talk about sex but if you over do it you become F**KABLE but........  UNDATEABLE.



Who Needs A Degree When I'm Schoolin Life........